Firstly , let’s establish what we mean by the terms ‘dating ‘ and ‘relationships’. When does a date become a relationship? On the 3rd or fourth date? When you have slept together? When you have both agreed to move on to the following stage?
While all of these factors play their part, like everything else in the dating world, it’s not an exact science. It tends be a mutual thing, a fixed acceptance by you and your guy that your relationship is special, doubtless exclusive and going somewhere. It can still be exciting of course, but there are certain assumptions that are made — like Mondays are movie nights or Friday evenings are spent independently of each other. By this stage you’re likely not wondering if he’ll ever call again, you know that he favors pants to boxers and whether he’s taking sugar in his coffee. If you have never met any of his mates, don’t know which football team he supports, or whether he’s still playing the field, then you are likely still in the dating phase.
You want to remember that while finding a guy to date is a serious challenge , it is not a competition. Enjoy the pursuit, the goal setting and the excitement – but don’t let yourself believe that in you are in a race to some kind of finishing post with your other mates.
It is often right that when you are in a functional relationship, you seem to be more favored and attractive than when you are single. This is down to the fact that being an element of a pair appears to show you are appealing and successful. And ironically you regularly get even more fascinating to other men. This is in part due to the actual fact that a girl who is spoken for is typically the ultimate challenge to another man — their competitive genes often outweigh their common sense and in part due to the safety component of having the ability to relax, chat and even flirt with someone who, because they are dating one of their mates, is not very likely to put any claims on them. This additional appeal though, is also down to the natural self-confidence that folk give off when they’re content and in a positive relationship that makes them feel happy.
Dating is great: it’s fun, it has its own special momentum and it does not have to lead directly to a rather more serious relationship. It might of course, but part of the fun is just enjoying your time together, the discoveries that you make about one another and the sheer, straightforward pleasure of not having to wonder whether he is ‘the one ‘ or where it could be leading. Always remember that a date is solely for a couple of hours, not for the remainder of your life. What do you have to lose? (And incidentally, this is the same dating advice for men as it is for ladies.).
Susan Pinner is a dating coach and correspondent on subjects like how to attract women, and popular dating manuals like Guy Gets Girl.